Joseph and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 18. I'm not sure when it began, but he has always held my hand when someone was praying before dinner, at church, or in a group and when the prayer was done, he'd squeeze my hand to let me know the person said, "Amen". There are a hundred little acts of love like this he has always done that no one else sees or has ever known. (Girls, be on the lookout...these are the qualities you look for in a husband.) Maybe he noticed one time that I was peeking with one eye open during a prayer so I could "hear" the amen so I would not be the only person sitting there with my eyes closed after or maybe one time, I was sitting there with my eyes shut long after a prayer was done. It's happened before and only thing to do is to laugh in those moments. I'll be honest I was kinda missing out. Silence is always isolating. Sometimes I'd just pray quietly myself or sometimes I'd think, "Oh dear Lord, is this person is never going to say Amen?", and sometimes, I'd daydream in my own world. Since the last activation, I can hear and understand when people are praying. It's a simple conversation with God that I've always missed. It's kinda amazing to hear people pour out their hearts, concerns, and gratitude to God. It actually ties up the Sunday sermon with a pretty bow. Last week, Joe noticed I wasn't grabbing his hand during a prayer and was kinda offended. Not really, but it was kinda like a small loss of "our thing" that was no longer needed and that no one else ever saw or knew about, but I'll still hold his hand any day and during any prayer.
The other day, my daughter and I were driving to Trader Joe's and usually, I have to tell my kids to wait until a stop light to tell me something important. That way, I could look at their lips and gain clarity. We had an entire conversation there and back. I almost started crying on the way home as we pulled into our village realizing how special that grocery trip was. It was just one of those moments when time froze for a minute and I sat there grateful that I made the decision to get a CI. A new sound that grosses me out...scratching your skin. I have no clue why, but it sounds disgusting to me. I can't stand it. It's just gross. Last week, I sat down to eat soup with my family and oh my word, the slurping. Just no. No slurping. I apologize for raising slurppers. It wasn't my fault. This was me the entire dinner...
In the last two weeks, the processor/my hearing started sounding much quieter. I turned it up two notches and it was still quiet. My audiologist said this would happen. It has been 6 weeks since my first activation appointment and it shows my brain is adjusting to all the new sounds and input. There are still some environments that are overstimulating, but overall everything is pretty much a sound and very little beeps here and there. Today, she turned it up.
Today was my last activation appointment:
My audiologist adjusted the processor to the final level and tested my hearing with the CI processor on. In the video, you can see the entire process. First set of testing, she is setting it to the final level. Second set of testing in the booth is a hearing test with the cochlear implant on in order to see what level I am hearing at now. Technology is incredible. Below is my audiogram from today! It is completely mind blowing. It instantly brought me to tears. I have sat in that audiometric booth more times in my life than I can count. Never in my life did I think I would see a personal audiogram like this one. The "C" is where I am now hearing with the processor and the "X" was my hearing presurgery. Anything 30 and below is within normal range. 70 and above is a severe/profound loss. Nonstop tears have flowed today. I just think about it and silent tears flow. I am now hearing within a normal range with the processor on. I've never had this in my life even with a hearing aid. Before surgery, I was testing 0% clarity in words correct and today, I got 52% words and 82% of sentences correct. I definitely want to have my right ear done now. I feel like I can barely hear out of it now with a hearing aid and it used to be my "good" ear of the two. Sadly, it sits at about 90 dbl and 23% clarity of words. I have a 3 month follow up with my audiologist and a follow up appointment in July with my surgeon. I'll make the final decision then, but this...this is pretty unreal...
"Do It Again" has been my anthem throughout this. I didn't come to know Jesus until I was a teenager. I didn't start going to church until high school. He has completely changed my life for the better. These words are powerful and ring true in my life. He has sustained our family through cancer, car accidents, sudden loss of my SIL, hearing loss, illnesses, adoption, and I can't imagine my life without Him. I've seen Him move mountains and I believe He will do it again...He is faithful and He has been so good to me...
One Change a Day,
Aime Beth