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When Marriage Gets Tough...

Picture this: Husband and wife are sitting across the table from each other. Both of them have their heads in their hands and they’re wondering what in the world has happened to their marriage, “It all started off so good. He was considerate. She left little notes. We had lots of sex. We would do the dishes together and stay up late snuggling while watching a good movie. But now, it seems like we woke up from a good dream and "real life" is something entirely different.” How do marriages that start strong erode over time? How is it that you can start by believing that this person "completed you" in every way and now only a few years later, you feel as though this person just might be "the end of you". A couple years ago, we read an encouraging word from a high school friend. She had posted on Facebook celebrating her anniversary. This friend challenged others that although they’ve seen good years, they’ve also had some rough ones and she clarified, “yes – I mean YEARS, but it was all worth it.” Sometimes our “tough moments” aren’t really moments, but instead they’re seasons. It’s during these tough seasons that we need to dig in and push through.

3 important statements you need to know to push through 1) You’re not alone! One of the biggest lies we often fall for is that we are the only ones struggling in our marriage. This lie tries to convince you that you are the only husband who is unhappy or that you are the only wife whose husband is being a jerk. The book of Ecclesiastes tells us, “there’s nothing new under the sun.” There are other couples who are struggling just like you. More importantly, there are other couples who have survived these seasons and have come out stronger on the other side. Seek them out, open up, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. 2) Be the best You that You can be! The only person that you can change is yourself. Far too many times, we spend all of our time and energy trying to change our spouse with no avail. Instead of focusing on trying to change our spouse, we need to take a long look at ourselves and see what we can change…the only person in a marriage that you can change is you. (Matthew 7:5) One choice at a time. One change at a time. What can you do to be the best spouse that you can be? This may be: helping without complaining, initiating sex, controlling your anger, stop nagging, pursuing your spouse, encouraging and bragging on your spouse, learning to forgive or say sorry, praying for your spouse throughout the day, or any number of other ways that YOU can grow as a spouse. 3) It’s all worth it! We need to remember when we’re in the thick of it, that although it might not feel like it’s going to be worth it… it is. Too many times, we feel like we’re swimming out to sea in our marriage. It’s like we’re heading out into open water with nothing in sight except for more water and more swimming. It’s always easier to swim towards something than it is to swim away. Instead, we need to point in the direction of the strong marriage that God intended for us and swim towards it. We need to make the decision to work towards reaching that shore and not be distracted by another or drown treading water. Finally, if you feel like you’re struggling right now, you need to know that there is a marriage out there that you’ve probably never experienced. It’s so good, so fulfilling, and so amazing that it’s worth fighting for. It’s worth choosing to not give up, but to push through. The grass always looks greener on the other side; instead of comparing, focus on watering your own grass. The grass is always greener where you water it.

One Change a Day!

~Aime Beth


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